Tonight I came home fairly emotional. Although I had done my utmost best to get my emotions under control, I knew the tear stains wouldn't get by my husband! [It was about something that has nothing to do with anyone reading this blog :o)] While I was relating the situation to him, going between bursting tears, frustrating dialogues, and some calm expressions, I could see his brain turning on how to best support his wife. Now Jon is the most rational of men, and emotions are not his forte, but I would certainly never know, as he handles emotions with the utmost sensitivity and competence.
I think, in part, it is due to the following rational sequence which he has developed over years of observing females. Below is my best interpretation in code-speak. "|" means "or," brackets "{ }" are situations - the rest is self explanatory :
{IF wife is frustrated [indicated by loud voice, flailing arms]
THEN listen and nod affirmingly
NOT offer advice | point out flaws in argument | offer chocolate}
{IF wife cries [indicated by sniffling & tears]
THEN listen, offer hankerchief or tissues, hug, pat back, and state love
NOT tell her it's not worth crying over | offer advice | point out flaws in argument | offer chocolate}
{IF wife calms down [indicated by even breathing, calm tone of voice] after several iterations of above THEN ask if she is okay
IF she is not okay
THEN ask what you can do to help. follow instructions.
IF she is okay
THEN hug and re-state love and appreciation | offer chocolate | offer advice}
NEVER point out flaws in arguments unless directly solicited or wife has completely and fully returned to a rational state, and even then, proceed carefully.
This seems to work very well for us so far! Jon laughed when he read this and said "yeah... that's about right!" Needless to say, I made sure to cook a good meal tonight :o) Yay for hero-husbands!
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