Keeping the Forest Wet

I may have blogged about this analogy before, but it is worth blogging about again!

During our pre-marital counseling at some point or another, we were told to always keep our "forest" "wet" - aka, keep our relationship always saturated with encouragement, trust, and support, even when we don't really "need" encouragement, trust, or support. That way, when the "lightning" of life strikes - conflict and hard times, the forest is so wet it won't go ablaze; the relationship will be able to sustain the numerous strikes being thrown its way.

We have taken that to heart over this past year and have consistently (not always admittedly) made sure to keep our relationship a safe and welcome place for the other person, where we can be encouraged. It has been sappy and, for many, perhaps somewhat nauseating to be around us, however we have been determined to practice this "wetting" of the forest.

These past few weeks we now are beginning to see what our counselors were talking about- life's storms come. Between loosing Ticky-Tacky, travel through several states, a cell phone debacle to end all cell phone debacles, a crisis in a close friend's life, and the many other things life has thrown our way in the past few weeks, our relationship has not gone up in flames.

I know without a doubt that it is the Lord holding us together to Him through His grace and mercy that He has displayed to us through each other over the past few years. That said, I'm so much more committed to making sure the "lulls" in life are used to prepare for the "storms," through continued encouragement and strengthening of each other through words and quality time. With the hustle and bustle that has been the past month, it has been hard to sneak in quality "us" time, but we have had reserves to draw upon that have kept us from smoldering.

So, I write this as a reminder to my future self to keep pursuing and strengthening our relationship, to you all to encourage you in your relationships, and to Jon for all his compassion, encouragement, and hugs which have been in abundance for the past few weeks!

Cleaning Monday

Tonight we decided to get a little bit of work done in the office. Not much was accomplished, however the simple fact that we can sit in the office together is probably a good sign. My (Sara's) desk has become a dumping ground for all mail that needs to be opened, things that need to be gone through, and the other oddities of life. However with weekends as together and errand time, evenings with events, cooking dinner, and relaxing a bit, and other times filled with visiting family and friends- I find I'm not at my desk much at all! This allows chaos to reign in the piles of papers - and many of these papers are indeed important.

I have been used to being at my home desk. With eight years of higher education under my belt - I've spent a lot of time at my desk (or on the floor for those who know my odd studying habits). While we were engaged, I spent many hours at my desk before, during, and after talking to Jon via Skype at 9pm every night. However now I'm readjusting to what a "home office" truly is like, and how to run a home from it. If anyone has any advice on how to organize a home office, I'm all ears!

Yay marriage

As the evening was winding down, I was sitting at my desk going through the day's emails and Facebook updates after playing LearnedLeague (can you guess how many of the 13 colonies were named after an Englishman who was not a member of the nobility?), I realized that my dear Sara was on her computer too. So I unplugged my dear Claude (that's my MacBook) and picked up my wireless mouse to walk down the hallway and plop myself down on the living room floor. Like that I could be with my wife as we finish the day.

'Cause I love her very much like that.

That's all. I was thinking that and decided to share.

Friday Thoughts

Tonight we were discussing how to correctly disagree with someone, due to some situations completely un-related to anyone reading this blog! Now most everything I know about disagreements comes from the book "Crucial Conversations" - which I highly recommend. Some internal rules I/we use for hard conversations:


1) No matter how much you disagree with the other person, you must acknowledge their right as a human being to their own opinions and perspectives. Their ability to form opinions is not something to be taken personally, and is something they have the ability and right to do. That seems to be a good starting ground.


2) If I am not open to changing my mind on a subject, or at least learning about and acknowledging a legitimately different perspective, it is not worth bringing up, especially if the other party feels the same way. We'll just dig in our trenches, have a verbal shooting match, and leave wounded and frustrated. And those caught in the cross fire won't fare well either.


3) If it is a situation that has to be handled, be sure to use "I" statements, such as "I feel" or "I believe" etc. Do whatever it takes to understand the perspective of the other person; as a wise boss of mine once said "You have to earn the right to speak." Once you have validated the perspective of the other person and are sure you understand it - then you can express your own thoughts, feelings and perspectives. Usually at this point the other person, now being heard and understood, might be more willing to hear your perspective. And then you can hopefully come to some sort of agreement. This takes a lot of emotional self-awareness, patience, and thought; it is not easy to do, however does have great rewards.


I think there's significantly more valuable advice out there, but those are some rumblings in my mind for the night. In other news - cousin Emily is coming tomorrow!!!!!! Oh the fun that shall be had :o)

Royal Weddings II - The Name

As was alluded to last week by Sara, I'd been wondering what royal families answer when asked for their last name (or "surname" as they say in the UK, which plays host to the royals we are focusing on right now). After all, they're always referred to by title and first name, but come on, who doesn't have a last name in modern Western societies?

Well, as I found out after some brief investigation, the British royal family didn't until 1917 (that's still less than a century ago, folks!). They were known by they name (first and middle(s)) and the name of their dynasty. I guess in a way that makes sense, since last names came into being to distinguish between all the Johns and Rachels out there, to make things more convenient than "John, the son of George."
- Is that George, the son of Henry?
- I'm actually not sure about his father's name. He's from London.
- Well, half the Georges I know have lived in London.
- Hmm, is he Mary's brother?
- John doesn't have a sister.
- No, I'm talking about George! Does George have a sister named Mary?
- Oh! I see, no, you're thinking of that other George, the blacksmith, right?
- Yea, I was. So he's not John's father?
- No, no, no. He has a nephew called Johan! And he only spent, like two years in London. He's originally from Exeter.
- So were you talking about George, the carpenter?
- Of course!
- That's right, I did meet his son John once!
- Cute kid, right?
- Certainly... Now, what about him?
- ... I don't remember.

You see, that's too complicated, so instead last names were instituted so that you can just say "John Smythe," and everyone's on the same page. But that's not necessary for the royals, 'cause titles were dead giveaways. For example if you say "the Duke of Edinburgh" or "Prince Harry" everyone knows who you're talking about, even if his name is actually Henry (true!). So the monarchy did not see it necessary to adorn their Christian names such.

But then the world caught up to them. And with the anti-German sentiments rising during the Great War, it grew uncouth for the King of the Britons to be of the house of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. So George V picked the name of Windsor (after the castle) to be from then on his family's name. Much more British, you know?

Yet Windsor is not the current last name of Buckingham Palace's inhabitants. The story goes on, because, as we all remember, in 1952 it was a daughter who inherited the throne. And she was married to Philip Mountbatten, aka His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (formerly Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark -- it gets complicated if you dig too deeply). The young couple decided in 1960 to hyphenate their names to keep the Windsor royal name while still distinguishing themselves from all the other relatives.

All this to explain that the new Duchess of Cambridge gave up the name Middleton to now be Catherine Elizabeth Mountbatten-Windsor.

Interestingly enough, the "Mountbatten" name also appeared in 1917 so that the Battenberg family could also distance itself from its German roots.

More details for those still following and interested available on the family's website and Wikipedia.

Our first "take me to the doctors..."

Last night my neck and upper back seized up, rendering my neck near immobile and the pain very challenging to tolerate. Through the tears and complaining (on my end), we decided to wait it out the night and see if it improved. I spent the part of the night on the couch, and watched "To Sir, with love" with Sidney Portier. Brilliant. Very much enjoyed it, despite not being able to move!

This morning it wasn't much better, and even after a warm shower and rest, I realized without medical help the vice around my neck wouldn't go away. Dearest husband drove me to the doctors (not wise to drive when you can't turn your head!), who were able to get me in during the morning, and then accompanied me during the long waiting room wait, and then the long patient room wait (where we saw a magazine called "Garden & Gun" - only in the South), until I was seen by a PA. It's just a really bad neck-crick, however with the muscle relaxers I should be put right soon. I have almost the full range of motion back, and the pain is slowly but surely subsiding. I'll be more careful at work!

Medical issues, although tremendously unpleasant, are made much easier with a good support!!!

wednesday thoughts

tonight I am blogging because my dear husband is holding me to my word: to blog every day. And he's so dog-gone cute I can't resist the puppy-dog eyes. If ever we have children who look like him, they may easily get their way with me! aye-yiy-aye.

on day's thought dash-board:
we are beginning to solve the mystery of the moving hall-way rug. It always scootches into our bedroom, however never in the other direction towards the living room! It has been bewildering to us. Tonight we figured it might be how we put pressure on the rug while turning into the office from the hallway, and not exerting the same amount of pressure exiting the hallway into the living room. Maybe we are more excited to go into the office than out of it, which doesn't quite make sense. We will monitor the situation and see!

tried gluten free pasta tonight. not bad. did accidentally pour moldy spaghetti sauce into the pan tough - note to self: no matter how new you think a jar is - always check. I was able to fish it all out thought. Lesson learned. Glad we didn't have guests though.

Friday with Clement Kids

Tonight we are sleeping on an air mattress in my parent's basement. Why? We are watching Clement Kids! Our favorite niece and nephew on my (sara's) side of the family! We are stoked that Heather trusts us enough to leave us with this lad and lassie. We're enjoying it and I think it will help us understand a bit more about "parenting" - or at least how little sleep one can get (doesn't help that we naturally stay up past 11pm!) This will last until Sunday afternoon - we're confident we can handle it for that length of time. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure Heather is a super-heroine.

In other news, rumor (aka. Facebook) has it that my cousin Emily has her driver's license? Is that the truth?! if yes, we are very excited. If not, her mom needs to stop posting pictures of Emily outside the MVA with a driver's license in her hand.

Additionally, I think I should let our entire audience know (and yes, i mean all 3 of you!) how this blog happens every night. Around 10:40, Jon asks me "So what are you going to blog about?" to which I reply "Do I have to?!" and he gives me a knowing look: I hav-ta. I love this man. A lot. Even if I grumble about the things I myself set out to do.

Free tax advice

If you don't want to spend a lot of time doing your taxes, avoid starting your own company.

Whatever you choose, always keep good records! :-)

By the way, it's more enjoyable to take care of taxes with someone else than going through piles of paperwork in my room by myself for hours.

We're making progress on the thank you cards...

Remember kids: keep good records!
:-)

eureka moments

So tonight I was beginning to think over everything we have to do this weekend, and the following conversation ensued:

Sara: (dramatically) We have so many things to do this weekend! I don't know if I'll ever be able to get it all done!

Jon: (reasonably and kindly) Sara, life is like that. There will always be things to get done. You better get used to it.

Sara: (humbly) You're right.

So here's to a weekend (and a 3 day weekend at that!) to getting things done, and being okay with the things that won't be getting done!

Our first marriage "secret of success": The phrase "You're Right!"

So one of the things I've noticed in our nearly 4 months of marriage, is how many discussions of different view points on minor things do not evolve into arguments simply with the phrase "you're right."

Neither Jon nor I are very opinionated people, however when it comes to little insignificant things I have discovered  human nature just wants to hold on to its point of view, for not particular reason other than it is "mine" and I want to "be right"! The simple phrase "you're right" comes in handy in marriage when discussing how-to's, such as the "best" way to clean a pot (when both methods work), different directions that function equally well for different reasons, how to schedule things (like when to leave for an event) and mostly just different ways for managing life that aren't significant in themselves, however could grow into heated discussions of self-importance if not tempered with some good-natured submission.

I have found when a rising "mine" nag comes up, and I want to convince Jon that I  am "right" (for whatever reason), simply stopping to say "yes, honey, you're right" stops the nag into turning into something awful and hurtful. I'm not lying, because he is indeed right, and then I simply give up my right to defend my own "being right" in an insigifnicant discussion. It's very freeing I find, and I'm pretty certain he'd say the same. [I asked him, he would].

It's been a wonderful little tool that I hope to keep using as the years go on - and seeing how often Jon is truely and legitimately right on so many different things, I'm certain I'll have many opportunities! (this post itself was inspired by using the phrase about 4 different times tonight alone!)

Monday Holiday

Today, in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, I had the day off. The morning was spent getting a few things done while Jon worked, and then the afternoon we spent at Manassas battlefield. Although chilly, it was relaxing to walk around the field on the trails, learning about the battle as we went. We learned the first battle of the civil war took place there. In fact, so many people thought it would be the beginning and end of the war, many came down from DC to watch the battle take place, almost like a show. At the time, no one really knew the brutalities of war - it was always glorified in the stories. At the end of the day they did. 1 out of every 3 men lost their lives there, and 600,000 more would in the 4 ensuing years. It was somehow fitting to spend this day where the war to end slavery (from the Union's perspective anyhow) began. And good to meditate on the hard lessons of the past, even those that are 150 years old. The rest of the time we spent walking through the woods and watching the deer (we saw about 12) watching us!

We also realized how nice it was to simply get out of the house and go on a date. I think this was our first "outing" being married that didn't involve an errand, family, friends, or the holidays. It was very very nice and I can see what married dates come so highly recommended!

The Problem with black-out curtains....

Today has been a wonderful Sunday. Fully relaxing, with one very important lesson, with some noteworthy consequences. I will illustrate with some simple logic:

Sunlight naturally tells the body to wake up.
Black-out curtains block out the sunlight.

THEREFORE:

The body is not naturally going to wake up due to sunlight when black-out curtains are on the windows.

Yes folks, part of the reason we are so rested today is indeed because we are over-slept, and are happier for it. This morning we both had a hard time pulling ourselves out of bed for church; in our room it looked like 2am, when in fact it was 9:30am. When we pulled back the curtains, this became abundantly clear. And we made it to church "just" on time.

This afternoon, watching a little bit of the "The Gospel of John," we decided to take a quick nap. Due to a "malfunction" of the alarm clock (aka. Sara shut it off in her sleep), our nap went much longer than intended. So now it is 10:30 at night, and we feel like it's closer to 7pm.

Lesson learned: When the alarm clock goes off, shut it off, get out of bed, and pull back the curtains. We will be better off for it.

Tomorrow will be yet another well-rested day.