Tonight we were discussing how to correctly disagree with someone, due to some situations completely un-related to anyone reading this blog! Now most everything I know about disagreements comes from the book "Crucial Conversations" - which I highly recommend. Some internal rules I/we use for hard conversations:
1) No matter how much you disagree with the other person, you must acknowledge their right as a human being to their own opinions and perspectives. Their ability to form opinions is not something to be taken personally, and is something they have the ability and right to do. That seems to be a good starting ground.
2) If I am not open to changing my mind on a subject, or at least learning about and acknowledging a legitimately different perspective, it is not worth bringing up, especially if the other party feels the same way. We'll just dig in our trenches, have a verbal shooting match, and leave wounded and frustrated. And those caught in the cross fire won't fare well either.
3) If it is a situation that has to be handled, be sure to use "I" statements, such as "I feel" or "I believe" etc. Do whatever it takes to understand the perspective of the other person; as a wise boss of mine once said "You have to earn the right to speak." Once you have validated the perspective of the other person and are sure you understand it - then you can express your own thoughts, feelings and perspectives. Usually at this point the other person, now being heard and understood, might be more willing to hear your perspective. And then you can hopefully come to some sort of agreement. This takes a lot of emotional self-awareness, patience, and thought; it is not easy to do, however does have great rewards.
I think there's significantly more valuable advice out there, but those are some rumblings in my mind for the night. In other news - cousin Emily is coming tomorrow!!!!!! Oh the fun that shall be had :o)
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